As a rule, golf courses suck. The Trump National Golf Club outside of Washington, DC elevates this suckitude to an art form. According to Washingtonian magazine, it represents the longest stretch of deforested riverfront land between Harper’s Ferry and the American Legion bridge. But in true Trump style, representatives of the Trump organization described this as an improvement. “The trees along the Potomac were not environmentally sound or sustainable,” they said.
So in this spirit of improvement, we—a local group of concerned citizens who happen to circle their A’s—have improved the golf course. With chunks of earth we dug out on the fairway. And a couple of gallons of bleach on the grass. And some concrete in the golf holes. And some sledgehammers applied to the tees. And hey, we even salted the earth on our way out.
Speaking of people who circle their A’s, we dedicate this act of suburban renewal to everyone who was arrested at 12th and L Streets NW in Washington, DC, during the festivities of J20—better known to the world as the ominous date of Donnie-boy’s recent inauguration as Mr. President Man. With this action, we salute all 230 arrested comrades, we kick off a week of action in solidarity, and we say, loudly and proudly, “APRIL FOOL’S, MOTHERFUCKERS!”
-The Caddyshack Dance Party of the DMV (the District, Maryland, and Virginia)